I hope u choke on those words...
I hope those same words that cut me, cut your pulmonary artery.
I want those same words to get stuck in your trachea and you suffocate, I want you to try to cough them up and they just won't come
I hope they defeat you, leave u weary, beaten and bruised, the same way they attacked me relentlessly
I hope your reckless vernacular erodes away your teeth, so your smile doesn't light up my soul anymore
Maybe those words will forever be engraved on your heart and brand u "damaged goods" as they've done me
I hope they taste bitter and make you too angry to function
I want those damned words to burn your tongue, burn your soul...I hope their indecisive nature will one day make you insecure, scared, lonely, hurt
Those words should echo in your ears and burst your eardrum
And when those words reach your heart, your valves simultaneously open and the blood backs up and you die...
I hope every breath you take gets heavier and heavier from speaking them until you can no longer ventilate
Those words should be like cancer, constantly replicating, until you're consumed by them
They should throw off the homeostasis in your body and negative feedback won't work and all your bodily functions cease.
I hope it becomes a virus, getting into your DNA.
I want those words to affect the rods and cones in your eyes and make you blind, literally and figuratively.
I hope those words kill you as unexpectedly as they did me, and on your death certificate it reads: verbal suicide...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Had I'd Said "no"...
I sat and wondered, then I sat and thought, and finally I just sat in silence...reflecting.
My mind wouldn't let me decide...clouded with questions and uncertainties.
Too many "what if's" to be satisfied
Starting to second guess, and regret.
Confusion settling in, wishing I could change it...
Had I'd said "no", then what?
Maybe my heart could reconcile with my mind and it'd be like it used to be, blissfully ignorant.
if my mouth would've formed that simple phrase my brain tried to signal but curiosity blocked.
Naive, I was surely naive. Now I feel gullible, vulnerable even, walls left unfortified.
Had I'd said "no", maybe my pain wouldn't be so great.
If "no" had been said things could be different.
My heart wouldn't be so empty, my thoughts so muddled, and my feelings so hurt.
I had a choice, it was made and I can't help but think it was wrong, I was wrong, where did I go wrong?
im feelin desperate, needy, clingly even...trying to figure out where right went left.
What if I'd said "no"....why didn't I say "no", how could I'd said "no" ?
I dont know what to do to fix it...had I'd said "no", maybe I'd be ok, I wouldn't be so conflicted ana I could move on...If only I'd say "no"....why cant I say 'no"?
My mind wouldn't let me decide...clouded with questions and uncertainties.
Too many "what if's" to be satisfied
Starting to second guess, and regret.
Confusion settling in, wishing I could change it...
Had I'd said "no", then what?
Maybe my heart could reconcile with my mind and it'd be like it used to be, blissfully ignorant.
if my mouth would've formed that simple phrase my brain tried to signal but curiosity blocked.
Naive, I was surely naive. Now I feel gullible, vulnerable even, walls left unfortified.
Had I'd said "no", maybe my pain wouldn't be so great.
If "no" had been said things could be different.
My heart wouldn't be so empty, my thoughts so muddled, and my feelings so hurt.
I had a choice, it was made and I can't help but think it was wrong, I was wrong, where did I go wrong?
im feelin desperate, needy, clingly even...trying to figure out where right went left.
What if I'd said "no"....why didn't I say "no", how could I'd said "no" ?
I dont know what to do to fix it...had I'd said "no", maybe I'd be ok, I wouldn't be so conflicted ana I could move on...If only I'd say "no"....why cant I say 'no"?
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