Had I'd Said "no"...

I sat and wondered, then I sat and thought, and finally I just sat in silence...reflecting.

My mind wouldn't let me decide...clouded with questions and uncertainties.

Too many "what if's" to be satisfied

Starting to second guess, and regret.

Confusion settling in, wishing I could change it...

Had I'd said "no", then what?

Maybe my heart could reconcile with my mind and it'd be like it used to be, blissfully ignorant.

if my mouth would've formed that simple phrase my brain tried to signal but curiosity blocked.

Naive, I was surely naive. Now I feel gullible, vulnerable even, walls left unfortified.

Had I'd said "no", maybe my pain wouldn't be so great.

If "no" had been said things could be different.

My heart wouldn't be so empty, my thoughts so muddled, and my feelings so hurt.

I had a choice, it was made and I can't help but think it was wrong, I was wrong, where did I go wrong?

im feelin desperate, needy, clingly even...trying to figure out where right went left.

What if I'd said "no"....why didn't I say "no", how could I'd said "no" ?

I dont know what to do to fix it...had I'd said "no", maybe I'd be ok, I wouldn't be so conflicted ana I could move on...If only I'd say "no"....why cant I say 'no"?